your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
