We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My life is pants optional.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
