I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
