you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
