I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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