i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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