Nicole vs. Life
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
