is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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