the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
