it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
