Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
