Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
