In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
