I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
