ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
how does that bad decision feel?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
