The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
