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what if every blade of grass was a penis?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
