that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your cock deserves a montage
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
