Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
