So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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