we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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