Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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