Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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