yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
