I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
