Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
