I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
