Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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