so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
