we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
