Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
