$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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