You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
