I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
