you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
