I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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