I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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