If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
