Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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