I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
