i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
love makes seman taste better
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
