no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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