My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
