She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
