There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
