FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
