margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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