Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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