All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
