1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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