In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
