Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
