I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
